Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a set of curtains!
Pull yourself together!
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a bell.
Well, just go home and if the feeling persists, give me a ring.
Doctor, doctor, people tell me I'm a wheelbarrow.
Don't let people push you around.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible.
Who said that?!
Doctor, doctor, nobody understands me.
What do you mean by that?
Doctor, doctor, People keep ignoring me!
Next!
Doctor, doctor, No one believes a word I say.
Tell me the truth now, what's your REAL problem?
Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
Well sit over there and i'll deal with you later.
Doctor, doctor, people keep telling me I'm ugly!
Lay on the couch, face down.
Doctor, Doctor, I can't stop stealing things.
Take these pills for a week; if that doesn't work I'll have a colour TV!
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a spoon.
Sit there and don't stir.
Doctor, doctor, I'm manic-depressive.
Calm down. Cheer up. Clam down. Cheer up. Calm...
Doctor, doctor, I keep trying to get into fights.
And how long have you had this complaint?
Who wants to know?
Doctor, doctor, I can't concentrate, one minute I'm ok, and the next minute, I’ve forgotten what I said!
And how long have you had this complaint?
What complaint?
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking of only got one leg!
No problem. Hop up on the couch.
Doctor, doctor, I feel like a small bucket.
Well, you do look a little pail.
Doctor, doctor, I've only got 59 seconds to live.
Wait a minute please.
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears.
Don't answer!
Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Tell me about your problem.
I JUST DID, DIDN'T I, DON’T YOU EVER BLOODY LISTEN?!!!
Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a bridge.
What's come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.
Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a cat.
How long has this been going on?
Oh, since I was a kitten!
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Lie down on the couch and I'll examine you.
I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a billiard ball.
Get to the end of the cue
Doctor, my wife thinks I'm mad because I like sausages.
Nonsense! I like sausages too.
Good, you should come see my collection. I've got hundreds of them
Doctor, last night I dreamt I was a teepee. The night before, I dreamt I was a wigwam.
Relax. You're two tents….
Doctor, Doctor, I broke my arm in two places!
So stay away from those places!
Doctor, my tongue tingles when I touch it to a cracked walnut wrapped in used toaster oven aluminum foil, what's wrong with me?
You have far too much free time.
Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.
How do you feel?
A little down in the mouth.
Doctor, my hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
How about a shoebox…
Doctor, I'm very worried about the outcome of my operation.
Don't worry, you won't be able to see the difference
Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?
Not really. It’ll just seem longer.
Doctor, should I file my nails?
No, throw them away like everybody else.
Doctor, I think I need glasses.
You certainly do. This is a bank....
Doctor, doctor, my wife keeps beating me
Oh dear. How often is that?
Every time we play Scrabble!
Doctor, doctor, I feel like a ten pound note.
Go Shopping, the change will do you good.
Doctor, doctor, I've swallowed the film from my camera.
We'll just have to wait and see what develops.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a clock.
OK, just relax. There's no need to wind yourself up.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dustbin.
Now you're just talking rubbish.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Sit down and tell me all about it.
I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture.
Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing little black spots before my eyes.
Have you seen a Doctor before?
No, just little black spots.
Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!
Do you drink a lot?
Not really - I spill most of it!
Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?
Yes, of course...
Great! I never could before!
Doctor, Doctor ,I think I'm God...
How did that start?
Well, in the beginning there was darkness......
Doctor, Doctor, Can I have second opinion?
Of course, come back tomorrow!
Doctor, Doctor, I think I've broken my neck
Don't worry - keep your chin up!
Doctor, Doctor I’ve swallowed a bone.
Are you choking?
No, really – I did!
Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
Use a pencil until I get there
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu!
Didn't I see you yesterday?
Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?!
Stick your foot out and trip it up!
Doctor, Doctor I tend to flush a lot.
Don't worry it's just a chain reaction!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a moth.
So why did you come here then?
Well, I saw this light at the window...!
Doctor, Doctor you have to help me out!
Certainly, which way did you come in?
